The beauty of the ugly

I hardly blog nowadays cause I don't have PC/laptop with me at Ampang ( and maybe cause I'm lazy too). Social media like Instagram, Facebook and twitter make it much easier to update bout your daily life or keeping memory online =) . Upload picture with happy caption, done. Write deep quote with only 140 characters, done. Literally like 20 seconds(exclude time of filtering the pictures LOL). Blog? Might take 20minutes.

Back to this post's title. I really need to post this one btw.

1. The ugly.

I had the worst nightmare so far that I can remember. I was trapped in a moving train with a number of people at night. We were finding ways to stop the train. A killer was inside the train who looks like the dementors from Harry Potter. He was actually looking/ trying to get me and would kill anyone he encountered.

I was quite brave at first cause I wasn't there alone. Somehow, the train stopped and all of us was rushing to run from the killer. Suddenly, I feel the 'responsibility to stop him from killing innocent people since he's looking for me. Instead of running far away from the train, I turn to face him, with only a big papan in my hand. I was freaking out. " I dont want to do this but I have to stop him" was what actually in my mind.  He saw me standing there alone, others..I dont know where, might been few km from where the killer saw me. The guy run/fly to me with incredible speed. My hands held the papan tightly, ready to swing even I dont know if it will make him stop. He was so near! Near me and ready to hurt me. I screamed and woke up!

I was in my room in Melaka. It's dark, the door was opened. I was still in fear, it feels super real. Even now, I can still feel the fear from last night. I sat on my bed, trying to remember and recite any surah/zikr but I couldn't. I tried to lie down and go back to sleep but it stuck in my head. Maybe it is the fear that he might turn up in my dream again. "I need my mom. Is she sleeping with my sisters? I hope not". Went to living room, hoping Mak fell asleep there. She was. I lied next to her and fast asleep.

2. The beauty of it?

The feeling that I still need my mom, the feeling that you need someone to hold on in your life. I thought I've grown up, independent and can live on my own. I was wrong though. I love you, Mak =')